Giving Up The Gun
by vicm3
Summary: Your sword's grown old and rusty, burnt beneath the rising sun, it's locked up like a trophy, forgetting all the things it's done. And though it's been a long time, you're right back where you started from, I see it in your eyes, that now you're giving up the gun
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hey there. This is my first fanfic here, so opinions are completely welcomed. Please review and tell me if I should continue cause writing is not really easy for me, so it's absurd I invest my time working on this if no one's gonna read. Any questions or comments you can either leave them in a review or PM me. This story takes place around a year after the war ended though I don't consider it a guess of the sequel to Insurgent because of the time space in-between.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Divergent or Insurgent.**

I walked out of the dark and into the soft, dim light that surrounded the net. His figure was completely obscured, but after such a long time of watching and being with him, I could recognise his body and catch his soft and even breathing almost anywhere. It had been a while now since that day, since the seemingly common Tuesday that threatened to ruin every bit of progress I had made, to the point where thinking too much of it made me start to tremble. Because of this, he didn't bother to even turn and acknowledge me, although I knew he heard me arrive. We silently waited for both the initiates and some of the people from Dauntless to join us, neither one of us making a single sound besides the inevitable inhale and exhale of breaths. A place that used to be comforting and often used by us during nights we felt everything was too much and had to get away for even a little while, now felt cold and empty, filled with an unsettling air that failed to make things any more comfortable. Some time later, I don't know how much, voices start to fill the void I didn't have the courage to fill in on my own.

Christina eventually finds her way over to me, instantly rambling about what not, though my brain fails to retain the information because once again, his oh so magnificent eyes claim my attention. I hate the way even when he ignores me as if we were never together, as if he didn't risk his life to save my own multiple times and vice versa, he manages to occupy most of my thoughts and attention. Christina's mention of my new piercings seem to somehow be enough to catch prodigy and now leader Four's attention, and in a split second, his penetrating blue eyes cling to mine before breaking contact and scanning my face in search of the metal pieces. The problem was, there wasn't only one. In fact, I have in total three: a 4 millimetre stretching and a rim in my right ear and the common lobe piercing on my left. Tobias stares at me with a blank expression, yet I know in his mind, he's most probably going crazy.

And he hasn't seen my hair.

A week ago, I decided I needed a change. Something radical, that would dismiss the attention both Four and I were receiving due to the unexpected break up; something, that would release me from the attachment to him I no longer needed or had the right to feel. I did all this, and yet I feel even more connected to him, because I knew that no matter how many piercings I got, or how much ink my body could hold without becoming said substance, I would never detach myself from him. And even so I changed.

I tell myself I did it in order to have a fresh start after all the drama, though deep down, my heart tells me it was to get Tobias' attention.

Stupid hope.

Our staring contest, however consuming, is interrupted when a body lands loudly on the net. I hadn't even realised the initiates had arrived. Four and I move to help the person -who I now see is an Erudite boy- out of it. He dusts himself off and smiles at me. I return the gesture.

"What's your name?"

"Matt," he answers me. He is tall, almost as tall as Tobias, with black hair and thick glasses. I stare at him for another moment before turning around and announcing, as usual, that he is the first initiate to join us.

"First jumper, Matt!" Everyone cheers and claps, and Matt's smile only grows. We spend another half hour pulling kids out of the net, until finally, all of them are down at the compound. As Four, Uriah and I guide them down the dark hallways of Dauntless, I remember my first time walking through the same tunnels, overcome by the darkness of them all.

"Here, we will divide in two," says Uriah as we stop after walking five minutes. "Dauntless-born, follow me," and the group shortens so that 11 pairs of eyes stare at who used to be my boyfriend, and I. Originally, we had agreed to train the transfer initiates together even though there was no need for two instructors. Now that we are no longer together and not in speaking terms, I imagined he would back down and let me do it myself. I think he didn't though because it would only draw more unwanted attention.

"My name is Four, and this is Tris. We will be your instructors during your initiation process. Now, if you follow, we'll head to the Pit." With that we leave, and as we enter the immense cavern, I'm reminded once again of my first day here. It feels like centuries away, when it's only been two years. Standing in front of the chasm, the initiates try looking over the rail, but when Four explains the danger of the turbulent water underneath us, they quickly step back. I can feel my breathing increasing, and I force myself to forget all the horrible times I spent here. My heart, mind and body yearn for Tobias' support, and it hurts deeply to know he's left me to mend my broken self alone.

"Tris!"

"Huh? What?" I snap out of my thoughts to discover everyone, including Four, is looking expectantly at me. "Oh yeah, right. Um, so now I'll show you where you'll be sleeping before heading for dinner." I guide them through the hallways and to the room filled with bunker beds. They all scatter around, choosing beds and talking quietly. Once they're done, we walk to the cafeteria. As usual, the Dauntless stay true to their customs and clap, whistle and cheer as loudly as possible. I grab my food and sit at an empty table, which rapidly comes to hold about five initiates and finally, Christina. Though it took her some time, I know she's finally forgiven me. And I'm glad for that. Now, we're best friends, we tell each other everything and help one another. Yes, that includes my depression from the break up.

"You know, I think I really like this group of initiates," says Christina.

"Why?" I mutter through a mouthful of food.

"I don't know, I just do."

"I hate these kids." Uriah plops down in front of us with his food. I start laughing at the irony of both comments, yet end up coughing and trying not to choke due to the food. "They're all a bunch of pansycakes even though they grew up here." I quirk an eyebrow at the mention of the word 'pansycakes' yet say nothing about it. As expected, Christina jumps into a discussion with Uriah while I silently eat and stay out of it. A lot had changed since the war ended about a year ago. Erudite was disposed of all computers and given new ones in the attempt to make sure they had no possession of old information whatsoever. Abnegation was being reconstructed. Amity took Jeanine as a prisoner -I still have no clue as to why-, Candor was the same as was Dauntless and new leaders were elected. Christina and Uriah were on the way of becoming more than friends no matter how many times either one denied it. Shauna couldn't and wouldn't be able to walk for the rest of her life, and so when Zeke had the guts to finally ask her out properly, she didn't give it a second thought. If he was willing to be with her despite her incapacities, there was no doubt he loved her. Divergence was no longer something to be afraid of yet still somewhat of a tabu. Though we had contact with the outside world, the people inside the fence had decided to keep aloof. In a way, I understood. After living with the faction system for so long, they were afraid of what would happen if it were to be ruled out. I guess, when the time's right, the barrier distancing us from one another will be destroyed. And, what at the moment seems to be of the greatest importance to everyone even outside Dauntless, is the surprising and unexpected break up of famous couple Four and Tris.

In reality, it was unexpected. A week and a half has passed and I still haven't got the slightest of clues regarding why Tobias decided I wasn't worth his time anymore. I never did think I was, but he always reassured I was underestimating myself and his love and admiration towards me. It makes me think everything was always a lie he could no longer keep up with; some kind of strange dare or malicious plan to ruin the silly Abnegation transfer. I guess I will never know for sure.

"Have the birds got any meaning?" I raise my head towards the voice, only to find Matt looking at me.

"They're ravens, and yes. One for each member of my family." The only reason I didn't dismiss his curiosity, is because I understand it. After all, I'm as good an Erudite as Dauntless. Still, my chest aches from the thought of my family. Caleb. Sweet, innocent Caleb. He was too naïve to think for himself, to choose what side he belonged to during a time when he was on his own and no one truly knew what was coming. It wasn't that he isn't smart, because he's brilliant. He was just too manipulated. Anger rises up within me at that thought. The fact Jeanine managed to destroy every single one my family members make me want to take the train closest to Amity and walk the rest of the way there in order to kill her with my bare hands. But I know better.

"Oh. It's nice to know some of you actually give a meaning to what they permanently ink on their bodies." I give him a weird look even when I completely agree. There's just something about his stare that sets me off. Still, I nod and turn to my food. "I like your piercings. They make you look more fierce," I'm not sure what bothers me most. The fact he's getting on my nerves, or the fact I don't even know why.

"How do you know I didn't have them?"

"Once, during the war, I saw you. And unless I'm mistaken, which I'm pretty sure I am not, you weren't wearing any." I try to recall if I ever spotted or walked past him. Nothing comes up. "You don't talk much, do you?"

"Not really." I stand up without giving Matt the chance to say something back and walk out of the cafeteria. Just as I am crossing the corner to the hallway of my apartment, I slam into a body, only to look up into Tobias' eyes. Pain and anger fill me, and when I try to walk around his body, I'm pressed against the wall. His towering figure makes me feel smaller and weaker, even scared. The warm puffs of air he exhales brush my face and I can feel his body heat radiating through his dark clothes. The space between us would be uncomfortable, were there to be one.

"Why?" Is the first thing he says.

"Why what Tobias?" I spit his name as if it were venom.

"First, don't say my name like that-"

"How, exactly, am I saying it?"

"You know just how, don't play stupid." His menacing eyes burn through mine, the coldness in them making me shiver. "Second, why all the piercings so suddenly? If I'm not wrong, you used to go on and on about how much you despised those things." The use of past increases the pain in my chest. "Why do you care? It's not like you can do or say anything about it. Besides, people change, Tobias. You above everyone else should know that." I push him off me and walk away, leaving the one person I thought would never abandon or betray me behind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Oh. My. God. You guys, I can't believe I got that many reviews for just one chapter. I love you all. To be clear, so that you know, everyone in this story is out of character, some less than others. For example, in this chapter, both Tris and Tobias curse cause I do and think it makes it more fun. Also, it would be amazing if all of you tell me what you expect or want to see, maybe I'll steal some of the ideas. This is random, but two days ago my brothers found a baby cat whilst playing soccer and it has dark blue eyes, which remind me of Tobias every time I see them. Last, this chapter is a bit crappy but it'll get more interesting, so bear with me. **

You know that feeling you get when it's raining and all you want to do is stay in bed the whole day drinking coffee and sleeping? Well, that's how I feel now. Except it's not raining and I'm supposed to train a group of ten initiates. I push through the doors of the training room, rubbing my eyes in the poor attempt of getting rid of some tiredness. Last night, I kept waking from dreams where Tobias either broke up with me, cheated on me or died; resulting in a restless evening.

And speak of the devil.

The only person in the wide room just happens to be him. Luck must really be on my side. When I pass him, I mutter a low "morning" out of politeness. As usual though, Tobias doesn't bother with even a short nod. It's things like this -plain and purelyridiculous that make me angry at him. Before I get the chance to say something more however, the initiates come bursting through the doors. They stand in a semi-circle around Four and I as he starts speaking.

"Today, we will start by learning how to shoot a gun and practising aim. Secondly, Tris and I will show you the basics of fighting, which you'll be putting to use tomorrow. Lunch is in between and class ends at six. Any questions?" Seeing nobody says anything, he signals everyone to line up in front of the targets and hands each initiate a gun. When he smiles at a girl from Amity my anger -otherwise known as jealousy- is such I grab a gun myself and take over his job at demonstrating. "Now-"

"I'll show you how this is supposed to be done." I make sure to lock eyes with Tobias for a second so that he knows I'm mad at him for smiling -which, seeing who it is we're speaking of, isn't easy- at the girl and not having the decency of returning my greet a few minutes ago, and turn towards the target board. _Aline feet with shoulders, square back, extend arms, aim, shoot._

Right in the centre.

And because I'm still furious, I walk back to where Four is standing and press my gun against his chest as I walk by to the doors. I'm fully aware everyone is watching me, so I make a point to slam the door behind me.

**Tobias' POV**

And the resounding slam of the wooden door echoes throughout the room as she storms out. The air around me turns tense asbicycle chords when the breaks are being pulled. I resist the urge to roll my eyes at her tantrum, and focus instead on helpingthe waiting initiates.

Since the break up, yesterday was the first time I ever directed a word to her, and it was to complain about something. So in a way, I understand why she's furious with me. I admit -though only to myself- I've been a complete dickhead, yet somehow,after two years, I find I don't give a single shit.

Or that's what I tell myself.

What angers _me_, is the fact Tris thinks it is only hard for her. I think, because I was the one to end the relationship, she forgets how may times I sacrificed my life for hers, or how I used to remember her how incredibly beautiful she was, or how we would hold each other when we felt exhausted or like the world was falling apart and all the weight was on our shoulders.

But I also think it's only fair she feels that way, because I told her I would be her family and now Christina has to check on her every day, and because I swore I would always do everything in my power to protect her, and though I'm still willing to die for her, I can no longer hold her at night and make her feel safe like she once told me I did. And because I pronounced the words 'I love you' countless times to her to have her walking around with a broken heart thanks to me.

By the time lunch is over, Tris is back at the training room. When we are correcting the initiates' punches or kicks, I notice Tris with both of her hands on an Erudite boy whose name I don't remember and is taller than her. She moves her hands from each of his elbows and places them on his shoulder blades, telling him something before pressing and pushing his shoulders apart. Now his back is all straight and square. I can imagine his tense muscles, not because I can see them, but because it was exactly what Tris' touch produced on me.

I find the longing and emptiness on my chest absurd, so I push it back and keep walking. Yet another thing that manages to catch my attention as I turn is the blue strip contrasting again the rest of her pure-blonde locks. The colored patch is dyed on the hairs that part from the neck, so that you could only see it if she wore her hair up, like she is now. I'm curious as to why she decided to physically change so much so quick. I am perfectly aware the answer Tris gave me yesterday when I asked her about it was only to avoid the real one, and it makes me think it has to do with me.

But then again, I like to think everything she does is related to me.

"Um, Four?" I look down to a small girl from Candor. Surprisingly, she isn't nearly as insurmountable as Christina was when she first came here, which means she either learns fast, or she's as little Candor as Tris is.

And we're back to her.

"Yes?"

"I think I'm not performing the second punch you taught us properly. Do you mind?" Recalling the hit she meant, I demonstrate Emma once again, more slowly this time, how to do it. When I'm finished and have made sure she understands, I start leaving only for Emma to speak again.

"You're tense, you know? Relax, the war is over and we're not gonna kill you." I laugh humorless.

"It's just not that easy kid."

**Tris' POV**

"So I was running around like a maniac, trying to catch all the papers, and just as I was about to get a hold on the last one, I trip over my shoe lace and fall hard to the ground, groaning in pain and watching the damn thing land on a small puddle." We all laugh as Matt finishes his story. Turns out, he's not half bad and not even a quarter of how irritating I made him out to be yesterday. I guess I wasn't in a very good mood. Matt is actually quite funny, obviously smart though he doesn't act like a know-it-all, easy-going and let's not forget the quality Christina has not failed to point out every chance she gets: he's most definately handsome. The thick glasses he was wearing just yesterday are no longer positioned on the bridge of his nose, and I can see a beard beginning to grow.

His pink lips look soft as does the rest of his face. And I swear seconds ago he blushed slightly when he caught me staring, but it's probably my imagination playing tricks on me.

At least I hope it is.

"Tris?"

"Huh?"

"Come on, we gotta get going," I stare at Christina, confused as to where she's going with this.

"Remember you promised you would come shopping with me?" My eyes are wide, and I silently start praying the shops are closed by some unnatural miracle. I groan before answering.

"Please, Christina. Please don't make me go. Take all my points if you want but please just let me go to bed, I beg you."

"No-o. You're not escaping this. You said you would come, and now you have to come," she begins to drag me out of my chair, and I know it's a lost cause. I DID promise her, and now I'll just have to swallow my thoughts and pleas and go with her.

Two hours and a hundred points later, I am dragging myself behind Christina, who is chirping with happiness after having spent 70 points on clothes and accessories she doesn't need. I, on the contrary, am almost unable to walk and moaning about how she made me buy three shirts worth 7 points each and a pair of shorts worth 9 and could have used that money for other useful things, unlike clothes. As we continue to stroll down the paths in the Pit, I stop when something catches my eyes.

"Whattup?"

"Um, I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Yeah sure. Bye Tris," Chris shrugs and keeps walking. I push through the doors of the tattoo parlour, and drop my bags on the floor inside.

"What are you doing?" Matt is sitting on one of the chairs, shirt off, and chest almost pressed against the back of the chair, so that his is facing Chad, Tori's replacement.

"Oh, hi Tris. Chad here was just about to get started."

"Get started on what?"

"My tattoo, obviously." I can't help but stare at his broad back as he talks. Although he's from Erudite, I am surprised to find he's not limp and skinny. In fact, the muscles around his shoulders stand out a little, and his biceps too. That's as far as I can get, seeing his chest isn't visible.

"Huh. What are you getting?"

"'Your mind is the only smart weapon to use.'"

"Bit Erudite don't you think?" He thinks about it for a second before answering.

"Maybe. But look what using guns got us to. A third of our population is either dead or permanently injured." Right now, it feels as though it's Tobias speaking instead of Matt. Instantly, anger fills me. It's impossible I spend a single day without thinkingand associating something at least once of or to the fucking guy. And now, it's because of this very reason I find myself spitting out words I'll probably regret later.


End file.
